MORE SIGNS OF THE TIMES



Sometimes I have to laugh at how much trouble authorities go to save us from danger, and how badly we read (or obey) those signs.

Many times there are signs put up by our fellow man, concerned at what they consider may be our bad habits or maybe just a general lacking in common sense. The sign below tells us that the "Bull is not politically correct" and the one at the right tells us not only how to flush a toilet, but also not to drink the water!! Oh well - water recycling is a hot topic in my town :o). However, these were in Tasmania - maybe the rumours about Taswegians is correct???

Now here's a good warning - walk here and you'll be knocked by a car .. protect them from themselves!!!!!


There are people with great senses of humour who will always keep up laughing. I particularly like a sign near Elephant Pass in Tasmania where one can buy Elephant Pancakes, and some of the chairs in the cafe are elephants ....... and if you're not careful, an elephant will sit on your car ... or something!!

And of course, we always have a giggle at the way English is used in non-English speaking countries:"

Then (at left) there are the times that we give an English meaning to a foreign word, just to cause a few sniggers:

The Irish must be amongst the funniest people on earth. They love a laugh, and like Australians, tend to laugh at themselves. We saw so many funny signs, such as the ones on a road, leading up to roadworks. Firstly, painted on the bitumen in large letters was "SLOW". About 100 metres further on, "SLOWER", and another 100 metres, "EVEN SLOWER". That indicated to us that maybe they don't obey the road warning signs :o). This wasn't the only indication, by the way :o(

But on a pub wall, there was one sign that I couldn't photograph clearly, so you'll have to put up with a blurred photo (at right).



I can go on for ages enjoying the intended and unintended humour in signs, but I must leave space for a splurge on clever mail boxes!

Have a larf :o)))

SIGNS OF THE TIMES
I sometimes wonder why Driver puts up with me when we are on holidays ... I'm always saying "Turn around" or "back up - I want to take a photo of that sign". Signs are only one of my fetishes - I also photograph mailboxes, sunrises, sunsets, flowers and ....... well, you know how it is. Thank goodness for digital cameras. On a recent visit to Western Australia, the desire for a photo of a particular flowering tree saw us drybogged in sand which was right beside the bitumen. Within 2 minutes, two 4WDs had pulled up and in 10 mins we were out of the bog! My faith in the human desire to assist each other is confirmed. But back to the topic .......
I always appreciate the Australian sense of humour, and during our last trip I snapped some great signs.

This one, for instance, leaves no doubt in one's mind as to what the poor unfortunate farmer was saying - and also what he had been suffering. No police message could be as blunt as this, nor would it bring as many smiles.
A huge problem in W.A. when we were there were the clouds of locusts. Driving was a health hazard - after a few minutes it was impossible to see through the windscreen. We found it necessary to buy some fly screen and tie it to the bull bar to protect our grill and radiator. But, it is something the locals have learnt to live with, and there were numerous radio talk backs where people suggested recipes for eating the locusts - grilled, barbecued, crackly and crunchy, desserts ....... all recipes suggested in all seriousness! Why not take advantage of this new food resource that had flown in? Even the cafes were in on the humour, as is shown in this board in York.



And then there was the roadhouse in the middle of the Nullarbor Plain where it had become a problem for them when every dog-lover traveller let the poor animals out for a run (and the associated poo) in their spacious driveway. I wonder how many people saw the sign before the offending poo was carefully placed at their front door.



I loved the gentle way a caravan park owner told tenants not to put their smelly fish scraps in the bin.



Even the road signs had some humour about them. We were told to beware of camels, wombats, emus, kangaroos, swamp hens, scrub turkeys, plains turkeys, bilbies, long-necked turtles, ordinary turtles, ducks with ducklings, and it is surprising how often an individual touch is added to the sign - they are not all the same.





I especially love the signs that endeavour to protect us from our own stupidity. Government departments are good at this, but also there are some people who must think their fellow man has kangaroos loose in the top paddock!






My blogsite is complaining about the number of photos I am uploading, so I guess this is yet another unfinished masterpiece :o)))

ANTS
When I was a kid, there was a huge ants' nest not far from our house. It was often a dare for one of us to run across the nest without getting bitten, then we would stand back and watch the ants run in all directions, aimlessly but panic stricken. Well, I have observed the same ants again ...... in London. Barberscat and Driver have had more than enough of the London tube, but we can still laugh at what we see... ants! Go into the foyer of the station and ants are running everywhere, aimlessly, running into each other, some carrying big items, small items ...... just ants in a panic. Looking for some order,we go to the escalator carrying us down deep into the burrow. For a while on those steps, there is some sort of order, although there are still some ants that need to overtake, often four steps at a time while the less driven ants stand quietly (on the right hand side, or else!!). But once at the bottom of the escalators, all hell breaks loose again. Those quiet ants become great bull ants and tear about into different tunnels, running into each other as they cross, some snarling at each other (but not biting). Occasionally there is a long tunnel which seemingly leads in just one direction, and all is calm .... until one ant discovers he is in the wrong tunnel, and he has to battle against the tide of urgent ants on his way back to the correct tunnel. Then there are the defiant ants that purposefully run down the tunnel that leads in the other direction, because, of course, it is empty. Finally, we arrive at a large cross tunnel where a lot of ants, minding their parcels carefully, sit quietly, awaiting some great event. And it arrives ..... a large worm which gobbles up all the ants, leaving the platform empty to await the next lot of ants heading for ....... where?? As I look at those ants, that is something that always intrigues me ... where is everyone going at such a hellish pace? I have pondered that question all my life, and I guess I'll never know. But it takes up quite a bit of my pondering time just pondering the matter!

VISITING THE RELLIES
It seemed like a difficult task to get from London to Preston in the middle of the country - it was as easy as pie. Fortunately, DP is an excellent tour consultant and booked Barberscat and Driver on a train. It took just 2.5 hours to get to Preston - I'm told it takes 4 hours by car, so this was a good option. We had fleetingly considered hiring a car, but the idea of getting out of London, and worse still, getting back into London was enough to scare a couple of bushies to death.

We had good company on the train - a broad Scot going home for the weekend and an Italian woman going on holidays to The Lakes. Bab & BiB met us at the station and the fun began. Next day was teeming with typical weather, so we checked out their showroom for a kitchen and a bathroom that we could fit in our suitcases! I wish!!! They have some swish stuff here, nothing like we get in our home town. Beautiful curved glass shower cubicles specially treated to 'reject' the scum from the soap and hard water. Shower roses and water delivery set-ups that would empty a dam in Oz in 10 mins. It must be wonderful to have so much water that they are making new showers to deliver 20 litres of water a minute. It is beyond description, so suffice it to say, we were more than impressed.
Day 2 to the Lakes District with Bab and BiB. BiB could be mistaken for Jack Brabham, and he got us there in quick time. Once again, rain gave us a damp view of Lake Windermere, but it is nice to see the area in its usual dress. Food and innumerable cups of tea form a large part of sight seeing with the rellies, and we sat in a tea house in Bowness to watch the rain over the lake, walked through a picturesque village in the rain, and then it was lunch time. Off to Ambleside, past the miniature house on the bridge and probably my 10 photo of same, and then to lunch. By then the rain had gone and we drove through the narrow, fence lined lanes into the Langdale Pikes. It was freezing, but beautiful. There were streams of water teeming down the hills, and lots of black and white sheep dotting the hillsides. I couldn't believe the determination of the locals to enjoy the weather as they strode off, raincoats dripping, hiking sticks in hand, up those hills and into infinity - it was much warmer in the car. We arrived home in good time for yet another meal - dinner at a local Italian restaurant. We tried sea bass, a whole fish, baked with crispy skin. Driver loved it - I was ambivalent - too much pepper and too many bones.
Day 3 was a general drive around the district with Bab. We went to the 'centre of England', Dunsop Bridge. This has only recently been determined as the centre, so little advantage has been taken of this amazing tourist point. There was only a little shop / cafe called Puddleduck, and a village green covered with hundreds of ducks. But very pretty. Driver was excited by the appearance of a tractor towing a large dray of hay over a bridge meant for a pushbike (well, it WAS narrow). He is missing his farming activities, so a few days in the country was a good tonic for him. I think we was counting tractors, balers, harvesters, etc, as we peeped through the gaps in the hedges and stone fences. Part of the road went straight through a group of farm buildings and the farmer was moving his sheep. More excitement as the sheep tried their hardest to go the opposite way to the one in which they were being driven. We stopped at a pub for lunch - soup and meat pies with vegies - and later, home for dinner - bangers and mash. The waistlines were now starting to stretch.
Day 4 - over the country with Jack Brabham to York, one of my favourite cities. For the blokes, we spent some time in the railway museum. Large steam engines of all types, including the Flying Scotsman and Stevensons Rocket. Also saw some royal carriages, all done up like palaces. Once again, never enough time - off to see the Minster. How many photos do I have of this beautiful building?? Well, I now have even more. This time we went underground to the crypt to see where they have uncovered parts of buildings back to the Romans, Saxons, Normans, and then the 'modern' foundations for the Minster. It is always the history in these places that fascinates me - it is hard to believe the age of the buildings. Of course, a -visit to York is not complete without a walk on the city wall. There is now much more city outside the wall than inside. We had a late lunch which included Yorkshire pudding and lots of potatoes (let the belt out another notch), and later, a stop for coffee - Barberscat and Driver did not eat!
On the way home we caught up with Michael and Liz, son of cousin Babs, and dinner at the Ship Inn on the Ribble River. More food ........ can't fit any more in! Driver has gone over the next mark on the scales and I am not game to stand on them.
And now back to London on the train. It has been a lovely stay, and we hope our rellies will repay us with a visit Downunder before too long.

THE BARBERS CAT HAS LANDED
Barbers Cat and Driver are in Washington DC. We were searched thoroughly in Brisbane, right down to our shoes, camera cases, every niche in my handbag, and a nice little patdown to see if I was carrying anthing on my person! Hmmmm:o))
Both of us took of with the flu, and we felt that with so many germs between us, it was one thing that could bring down USA, and the search didn't reveal this deadly weapon!
We had one bad day - it was at least 35 hours out of bed, and we did some strange things. I lost my passport somewhere in LAX airport, and it took a panicked run about (as panicked as one can get after no sleep for so long) and a lot of questions to find it at an Information Desk! Phew! Driver was telling me how it would be worse to lose one's wallet that pass port. I was disagreeing enthusiastically (as a tired person can be)when we heard Driver's name over the PA system paging him to come back to the security screening area - he had left his wallet in the tray that went through the xrays.
On arrival at the hotel at 10.30 p.m. on the same day we left, but around 30 hours later, we ordered a hamburger each and one cup of soup - cost $60AUD!! And not even as good at Aussie burgers!! No more room service.
Slept that night until 9.a.m. next day! How shameful!! We took off for the Whitehouse on foot. Quite a long walk, and the weather was hot. We lay like a couple of swaggies in a park between pigeon poops to recover. George's gunyah was very pretty, but not as big as I imagined. One japanese girl stood beside me as I took the regulation photo, and asked where the White House was? When I told her she was looking at it, she was amazed. She thought it would be bigger, too. By this time we were really dragging our feet and we had to drag them all the way back to the hotel (up hill as well). We couldn't work out how the buses ran, so it was all hard slog.
After looking for a supermarket for two days, I asked the Concierge at the hotel - it is only half a km from the hotel, but nowhere near the main street. And it is such a tiny one, it is like a big corner shop. We have been buying food at the pharmacy, but now we know where the s/market is, we'll go there. The other place I kept an eye out for was a Post office. Having walked at least 10km and not finding it, ......... it was between the hotel and the s/market! Only 200 metres from the hotel! Bugger!

The Toastmasters World Convention, the reason for our visit to Washington DC, ran over four days. It was amazing to be there, but because it was just so big, it was difficult to find a person twice, so it was hard to make friends. I think I will stick to our local conventions in future - at least we all speak the same language. The President's Dinner Dance was most enjoyable - especially the 15 piece brass band they had for the dance. Now we have seen a dance called 'The Slide'. We almost were trampled as we stood by, absolutely stunned watching the black-suited and silk-dressed dancers stomping about. Hmmm! They told us that it is also in Oz, so we must be just behind the times (so what's new?)
Our last two days in Washington were great. We found our way about on the metro - really fast, clean, and easy to follow, and not crowded like here in London. We took a trolley bus around the suburbs and city, looking at the historic buildings. Most of the highlights were places where Lincoln was shot, or Reagan was shot (at our hotel), and every other person who was shot. So much violence in their history. We went to the Pentagon, but could not go in, and could not get far away enough to get a photo. When we thought we were far enough away, we were beside a guard house, and he told us NO PHOTOS. Silly rule when big roads go past the building and anyone could take photos from their cars. Anyway, it is a boring building, and the point of most interest seemed to be where the plane flew into it.
We had to rise at 3a.m. to go to the airport, and for the very first time ever, the Barbers Cat and Driver were first in a queue. Same drill - take off our shoes, search our bags and person .......... then into the waiting lounge looking for a cup of tea :o((((. Warm water and a tea bag in the hand!!
London was sunny :o))) so we had a day to do washing, then a day to look at all the touristy things - Houses of Parliament was a beaut tour (after the now-common body search). It was lovely to see No 1 son and his fiancee - just like old times. But now we are visiting my cousin in north England, and we haven't stopped laughing since we arrived.

PREPARING FOR ANOTHER TRIP
Barberscat and Driver are preparing for a trip to a Toastmasters Convention in Washington DC. We had already paid our air fares for "around the world", and also the registrations for the Convention. Just "by the way" the travel consultant said "You won't need a visa for USA" - Visa! Hell! I hadn't thought of visas. We are friends of the USA - we do as they say! Why would they want a visa from an Aussie. She continued: "You only need a visa if you are a journalist, or have been in jail, or have been arrested or charged with an offence ........ ". Driver went very quiet and his colour drained from his face. "Back in 1994 I was driving a coach that collided with the back of a semi trailer that was parked partially on the carriageway with no lights." He knew little about the charges, except he was fined (everyone who runs into the back of a vehicle is fined in New South Wales). Travel Consultant said we should find out the details, but should get a visa just in case! We went to the local cop shop, and they had no details of any black mark against Driver's name. We went to Queensland Transport and they knew nothing. We phoned Narrabri where the accident happened - they turned up the papers but had transferred it all to Moree. Phoned Moree - whoopee! They had the details. Conviction of some sort of ?? driving and a fine of $250. Back to Travel Consultant - "Get a visa".
Now, it turns out, the only way to get a visa to USA is to travel to Sydney and undergo an interview!! Barberscat and Driver stay away from cities, and we had decided that if we had to go to Sydney, we'd cancel Washington and that would be another city we could dodge! After my phoning all around the country, I finally got a phone number that did not refer me to the website with the unclear instructions - it allowed me to talk to a real person in the office of the Consulate in Sydney. You can imagine our relief when she said if it didn't involve a jail term, we didn't have to get a visa!! Phew!
That took a week to find out and put my plans well behind. But we are happy we don't have to fly to Sydney just to ask one question. When we arrive at USA customs, we will both have our hearts in our mouths waiting for there to be a policy change, and to be put back on the plane for OZ. Wouldn't that be a bugger!